


Sails in a Storm

by KaitlynSpeight, SammySammyDean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, And a random Sherlock cameo, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, I mean it's barely mentioned but if that kind of thing bothers you, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Recovery, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, sap sap saaaaaaaaaaaaap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2018-08-28 13:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8448418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaitlynSpeight/pseuds/KaitlynSpeight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammySammyDean/pseuds/SammySammyDean
Summary: After years of being told no, is Benny's shared experience enough to pull Dean out of his shell, or will he just push him further into the dark?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this started as a gift for Kait cause she loves all the Denny, then she had a bad day and wound up working on it with me to distract herself, and now it's taken about 100 unexpected (yet awesome) turns and here we are~  
> We hope you enjoy reading as much as we've enjoyed working on it <3

“I’m in love,” Dean Winchester, with all the knowledge in the world at the ripe old age of eleven, announced to his best friend. He giggled shyly when she immediately plopped down on the ground in front of him demanding details, and his chest puffed up with pride as he spoke.

 

“They have really really pretty blue eyes and black hair and they’re really really quiet but I finally got ‘im to talk to me and he-”

 

“Wait. Wait he?” Abaddon shook her head, “no, Dean, boys don’t love boys.”

 

Dean pouted down at his best friend, crossing his arms over his chest defensively, “why not! I like him a lot and he’s really cute and nice to me and I-”

 

“Boys can’t love boys, Dean. It’s wrong and… and  _ disgusting _ . You’re just lucky you told me about this and not someone else, as your best friend it’s my job to help you.”

 

And Abaddon was older, so Dean believed her. 

 

He got with her that day, and didn’t speak to Cas again. 

 

The boy moved away a short while later.

 

Dean allowed her to teach him the proper way to love. With a woman. She taught him how wrong wrong it was to love another man, taught him it was disgusting and vile and something to be sneered at and torn apart. 

 

_ Their _ marriage should never be legalized,  _ those people  _ shouldn’t be allowed to live. They should be reformed and taught the error of their ways. Taught to love the  _ right people _ , beaten down until they could be molded into the right,  _ socially acceptable, _ role they were  _ supposed  _ to fit. 

 

Just like she was doing for Dean. 

 

After a couple of years she would teach him how to take pills so he could make love to her, what to do with a woman in bed, and how to act with her, afterwards, in public.

 

She taught him to jeer and laugh at anyone different. To kick the weak and laugh at the pain of the broken.

 

Dean lost any semblance of his free will, his ability to think for himself was long gone with her teachings. 

 

But she was older. So he listened. 

 

~

 

By the time he was sixteen, Dean was the  _ perfect man _ . 

 

He was on the football team, he was strong, tough, he even had the muscle car to seal the deal, and while he was far less vocal when a gay couple crossed their path than Abaddon, there wasn’t a single person who questioned him. 

 

By the time he was twenty, Dean was her  _ puppet _ .

 

There was always the threat of his girlfriend’s wrath if he even looked at another man the wrong way. 

 

If he looked at his friend too long he was bound to never be allowed to see them again, if he touched them he would be beaten back into his place.

 

While Abaddon was small, she had stripped away any fight Dean had in him, it was easy for her to tear him back down into her mold. Still, if he so much as thought of putting up a fight, she was never afraid to play dirty. 

 

Bats, knives; she tripped him down stairs and pushed him down hills.

 

So he was straight. So he loved Abaddon. 

 

She was helping him, this was best. 

 

So he listened. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Your girlfriend’s literally a psychopath, you know that, dontcha Dean-o?”

 

“High functioning sociopath,” Dean quipped, propping his feet on his best friend’s lap and sipping his beer, “she’s just... complicated. I love her.”

 

Gabe rolled his eyes and stole a gummy worm out of Dean’s pack, turning his attention back to the screen just in time to watch Benedict Cumberbatch rip off Martin Freeman’s coat at a swimming pool. “They’re a couple.” His voice wasn’t judgemental like Dean was used to,He said it the same way he’d say ‘the sky is blue’ or ‘the grass is green’.

 

“John  _ blatantly  _ says he isn’t gay.” Dean grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

“So do I, ain’t even a lie. You can like pussy and dick yanno-” Dean jumped across the couch before he could continue, clamping a hand over his mouth. 

 

“Shut up, if Abby hears you-”

 

“Boys? Whatcha doin’?” Abaddon calls from across the apartment. 

 

Dean barely manages to sit back in his own seat before she’s bouncing in and flopping down on his lap. “J-just watching TV, finish your work?” 

 

“Yeah, I have to run out for a couple hours though. You two behave yourselves, won’t you?” She smiled, planting a kiss on Dean’s lips. 

 

“You got it, mistress, I’ll keep an eye on your little douchebag for you,” Gabe teased, raising his beer in salute. 

 

“You do that,” Abaddon muttered, voice falling flat. She climbed off Dean, running her fingers through his hair as she walked to the door. “I’ll see you in a while, love you Deanie.”

 

“Love you too,” Dean hummed, leaning into the touch, and immediately relaxing when she was gone. “You  _ cannot  _ let her find out you’re bi. She’ll never let me talk to you again and I don’t wanna lose you man.”

 

“So what would happen if  _ you _ finally came out?” 

 

Dean sputtered, shaking his head and staring wide eyed at the man across from him. “I’m not- I’m straight. I don’t have to come out. There’s nothing to come out about. I don’t-”

 

Gabriel cut him off, pushing himself across the couch and sealing his lips over Dean’s, only to immediately be pushed away. 

 

“What the  _ fuck  _ are you doing, I ignored that you’re a fucking faggot but you can’t just drag me down your disgusting little path with you, get the fuck out.”

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes, picking himself up and plunking himself back in Dean’s lap, “look, you can say whatever you want, and I’m more interested in your little brother than you anyway if I’m being honest, but you’re not straight. Far from it. You’ve gotten better about your shitty homophobic tendencies since we’ve been hanging out and I think you’re finally up for this. So test it out.” 

 

Dean opened his mouth, to protest… Of course to protest, at least that’s why he’d tell himself - but Gabe didn’t give him a chance, lunging forwards and licking between his lips. 

 

He kept Dean held tightly in place until he relaxed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Gabe’s waist.

 

“Told you,” Gabe murmured against his lips when he pulled back long enough to adjust himself, straddling Dean's waist and making himself comfortable against his chest.

 

“Shut up,” Dean whispered back before desperately searching out his lips again, it wasn’t like the kisses with Abby. Not at all. Of course he didn’t feel a ‘spark’ or whatever, but this wasn’t about love. It was about testing boundries, feeling Gabe’s stubble scrape against his own and leaning the harder feel of less full lips. 

 

He couldn’t get enough. 

 

Not to mention Gabriel kissed him like it was the last thing he'd ever do. Which honestly if Abby caught them, it just might be. 

 

They stay plastered together for a long time, lazily kissing between bouts of panic from Dean, but Gabe was still gone by the time Abaddon got back. 

 

~

 

“I don’t want you hanging out with him anymore, he’s too fruity. No straight man can-”

 

“I wanna break up.” Dean cut her off, holding his head high even as his mind swam in a mix of panic and confusion. He was straight. But Gabriel’s kisses. But. 

 

“What.” Abaddon’s voice was dangerously low, daring Dean to mention it again. 

 

“I don’t want to be with you anymore. I- we’re through.” He could feel his fingers trembling, and he balled his hands into fists. He couldn’t back down, Gabriel was right, what she was putting him through was wrong. Whether he was straight or gay or  _ whatever _ , he couldn’t keep living in fear. 

 

“Think very hard about what you’re doing Dean Winchester.”

 

“I am, and I want you out of my house. I’m staying with dad and Sammy tonight, I want your shit gone by tomorrow.” 

 

Abaddon stared at him, mouth gaping open as he grabbed his bag and walked out of their apartment. 

 

_ His  _ apartment now. 

 

He isn’t surprised to find all of his things destroyed when he returns home the next day, but for the first time since he was eleven he could honestly say he felt  _ free _ . 


	3. Chapter 3

Not having Abaddon around didn’t change things the way he thought it would. He was still too scared to date men, didn’t want to date women...  He was  _ lonely _ , unsure of what to do without her constant presance behind him instructing him on what to do and who to talk to. 

 

But he could have friends over, not worry about if Abby would overhear them. 

 

But Gabriel was his only real friend, and even though he saw him a couple times after their kiss, and they were still friends, it was a little weird once he got with Sam.

 

He felt like a ghost, floating through life. He graduated, got his degree in autobody, got a job working at Singer’s Salvage Yard. He made enough to keep his place, even enough to replace some of the things Abaddon had broken, and still chip away at his debts. 

 

Eventually he started dating another girl, Lisa. She was nice, didn’t push him, but something just felt  _ off _ and he ended it after a handful of months. 

 

He was used to Abby, she had been his mentor since he was a child, he wasn’t sure what to do without her. 

 

Even if he saw now that what she put him through was  _ wrong _ \- that people who love you don’t hit you, don’t control your life and tell you who you can and can’t be friends with - he wasn’t sure what to do without her constant guidance. 

 

So he ghosted through, numbly going from work to home to work, speaking to people as the spoke to him and pretending to smile when he felt like crying. 

 

Months went on, cold and distant from the world he had been a part of with Abby at his side. With her he had never been alone, they had had fun, even if he hadn’t always enjoyed what they did it was never dull. 

 

It was never  _ this _ . 

 

He took up smoking, drinking, hoping to finally  _ feel  _ again. For the world to stop being so cold and empty around him.

 

Work, home, sleep, work home sleep. 

 

He wanted more. He wanted anything. To feel like he did before Abby, like he had the world at his fingertips. Even when he was with her, to feel like he belonged. But here, after her, he felt like nothing. She had taken everything from him, his beliefs, his power, his self worth, his friends. 

 

He had nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

 

“Welcome to Singer’s Salv-”

 

“Sorry, sorry, c’n I hide here, jus’ fer a minute?”

 

Dean’s eyes widened in surprise even as he nodded, stepping back and letting the burly man curl himself up behind the counter. 

 

Another moment goes by before a woman storms in, “excuse me, have you seen anyone else come by here? About yea tall, brown hair, blue eyes?”

 

Dean shook his head, forcing himself to take a deep breath before answering. “Can’t say I have, who is he?”

 

“My boyfriend, always running off and getting us into trouble,” the brunette rolled her eyes. “Ducked off while I was getting gas, the damn idiot.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow, “well, I haven’t seen him. If you wanna leave your number I’ll give a holler if he shows up.”

 

“Thank you,” the girl jotted down her number and left it on the desk, nodding at Dean once more before walking out. 

 

“Mighty kind ‘a ya, sir,” came a hushed voice from somewhere at Dean’s feet. 

 

“Not a problem, what’s up with ‘er?” Dean asked, offering the man a hand up, surprised at how cold his hands were even in the August heat. 

 

“She- er she… It ain’t nothin’, jus dumped ‘er is all... She found where I’ve been stayin’.” 

 

Dean leaned on the counter, eyes catching on a darkening bruise on the man’s cheek, “uh-huh, let me get you some ice. The name’s Dean.” 

 

There was a brief pause before the man followed him out back, “Benjamin Lafitte, at yer service. Thank ya, chief.” He accepted the ice pack and pressed it to his cheek, his sleeve rolling back as he did, revealing a swatch of healing bruises and cuts. 

 

“So I’m guessing this ain’t a first time deal?”

 

Benny looked at his feet, letting out a deep sigh, “you gun’ say a guy like me should be able to handle ‘imself, righ’?”

 

Dean scoffed, shaking his head, “my girl was about half her size, don’ think I have the right to say somethin’ like that.”

 

Benny peeked up, blue eyes boring holes into Dean, “glad ya got away too then, chief. Sorry ta bother ya like this buh she dragged me outta my place an’ only left me alon’ for a minute, didn’ know when else I could ditch ‘er.”

 

Dean frowned, tentatively laying a hand on Benny’s shoulder, “you got somewhere else to stay tonight, man?”

 

Benny shrugged, “I’ll prolly just rent a room, don’ really have many friends up ‘ere an’ now she knows where all of ‘em live. Prolly move back to Louisiana once I get things settled.”

 

“Why don’t you crash at my place tonight, you can worry about errythin’ tomorrow. No point in spendin’ money on a room.” 

 

“I couldn’ ask ya to do tha’ brotha, I’ll be jus’ fine.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and dug through his pocket, “people like us gotta stick together, yeah? It’s just about closing time anyway, let’s get ya settled okay?” 

 

Benny hesitated another minute before nodding, holding his hand out for Dean to shake, “much obliged, Dean, thank ya.”

 

Dean smiled, clasping their hands tightly together and locking everything up. Hopefully Bobby wouldn’t notice he ducked out a few minutes early, not that he was too worried the old man’d do something, he just didn’t wanna have to answer any questions. 

 

“This is yer’s?” Benny asked as Dean unlocked an impala and waved him inside. 

 

“Yeah, she’s my baby,” Dean beamed, rubbing his hand over the dash lovingly, “fixed ‘er up from nothin’.” 

 

“She’s a beaut.” 

 

“I like you already, Benny,” Dean smiled, pulling out of the parking lot. “‘M sorry for the mess, it’s been a bit crazy and I wasn’t exactly expectin’ anyone, but it’s someplace warm to crash.”

 

“More than I was hopin’ for, you need anything you jus-”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, I invited you,” Dean smiled, pulling into his parking space and leading the way to his apartment, “‘s pretty small but kitchen, bathroom, my room, and yours,” Dean pointed out the various rooms as they walked, glad Sam had stayed last weekend so the guest room wasn’t  _ too  _ terrible. “Stay as long as ya need to get somethin’ sorted out.”

 

“You don’ have to do any o’ this yanno,” Benny mumbled, blushing as he looked around the apartment. Dean was right, it was a little small and cluttered, but it was homey. Much better than the dingy basement he’d been hiding out in. He liked it here. 

 

“I know I don’t, but you sure look like you could use a pal, and it ain’t like I’ve got a whole lot goin’ on.”

 

“Someone who looks like you? Really?” Benny teased, pulling at his sleeves shyly. He couldn’t imagine someone being this nice to him out of the goodness of their heart, but he couldn’t really bring himself to bow out before the other shoe dropped, either. Maybe Dean really was just a sweet guy, just because he’d never come across someone like that before didn’t mean they couldn’t exist. 

 

Dean blushed, shaking his head, “Abby kinda ruined the whole dating thing, and all our friends went with her. ‘Cept one but he’s datin’ my brother now so,” he shrugged, “‘s just complicated I guess. You hungry?” 

 

Benny nodded, trailing after Dean to the kitchen, “you gotta at least lemme cook, was a chef… before e’erythin’.”

 

Dean humme, raising his hands, “fine, can’t argue there.” He stood back, watching Benny look through the cabinets before nodding to himself, “so how long’s it been since you two broke up? You said she found where you were staying so it can’t ‘ve been too new.”

 

Benny sighed, searching around for a moment before pulling out a pan and setting to work on dinner, of course he’d have to talk. Dean deserved to know, he was opening his home for him but... “been a couple months, guess she ain’t gonna let it go. She always had a fiery streak, think that’s wha’ I loved about ‘er, but…” He shook his head, digging through the fridge. “I’m shoppin’ fer food ‘s long ‘s I’m stayin’, ya ain’t got nothin’ ‘ere.”

 

“‘M sorry, Abby fucked off pretty much right after I dumped ‘er thankfully, trashed the place, but hasn’t been back.” He sighed, leaning on the wall to watch Benny work. “Ya ain’t gonna catch my complaining, one less chore for me, man.”

 

“She hit ya, too?” He shouldn’t ask, he knew he shouldn’t, but he hadn’t met someone else in his situation before and he  _ really  _ wanted to know. 

 

The way Benny said it so bluntly had Dean scrambling for a second, of course she  _ had,  _ but he didn’t think it compared at all to what Benny had been through. “Yeah, it was… She… Not as much as I’m thinking uh-” he waved a hand, realizing Benny’d never given him for his ex. 

 

“Andrea,” Benny supplied, not looking up from his concoction. 

 

“Andrea did, but she uh… She was pretty shit when I wasn’t… What she wanted me to be.”

 

“Get in yer head? Rea liked to do that too, friend ‘o mine kinda pulled me outta it,” He paused, rolling his shoulders. He really shouldn’t push, and it wasn’t like he really wanted to talk about what  _ he’d  _ been through either. “le’s talk about somethin’ else, eh chief?” 

 

Dean nodded, relaxing slightly, “yeah, yeah that sounds like a great idea. So whatcha makin’?” 

 

“Brunswick stew, kinda,” Benny smiled, scraping the contents of his cutting board into a pan and covering it up. “Gotta say feels good to be cookin’ again, even if it’s half-assed.” 

 

Dean nodded, peeking over his shoulder, “why dontcha cook anymore, you said you’re a chef.”

 

Benny frowned, so much for getting out of this line of conversation. He wiped his hands on a towel as he spoke, trying to focus on that instead of what he was saying. How pathetic he sounded. “Rea said it ain’t a guy’s place, used ta cook at my restaurant all the time but with her… I just kept the books. Haven’t gotten back to it since.”

 

“You have your own restaurant?”    
  


He nodded, smiling shyly when he realized Dean seemed genuinly interested. “Mug Shot up on Maine, barely been keepin’ her in the green with everything goin’ on bu’ she’s my baby.” 

 

Dean beamed, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet, “I used to go there all the time! You have the best pie in the area! But uh- Abby said I was packin’ it on and made me stop goin’,” he sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. How had he spent so long with her?

 

“Yer kiddin’ righ’? Don’ wanna step on any boundaries here but you’re  _ hot  _ brotha’, don’ listen to her.”  _ Shit,  _ shit he shouldn’t have said that. Dean was nice enough to let him crash in his house and he’s gonna start hitting on him five minutes after arriving. He was so getting kicked out… but… Dean was chuckling, a slight blush coloring his cheeks, and maybe he didn’t fuck up that bad. 

 

“You’re a total stranger I invited into my home, I don’ think there are any boundaries here. Ah- thank ya, though, ya ain’t too bad yourself.” He smiled, looking awkwardly down at his feet. 

 

“Kind ‘a ya,” Benny smiled and nudged Dean’s shoulder, frowning when Dean flinched away. Maybe he had ruined it. “You alright, brotha’?”

 

Dean shrugged, chewing on his lip, “yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“Come on, who can ya talk to if not the absolute stranger ya let into yer home?”

 

“I-I’m not ready to talk about it,” Dean mumbled after a moment’s hesitation. For a second he was worried Benny would press the issue, but his new friend just smiled and nodded, patting his shoulder reassuringly.

 

“I'll be here when ya are, why dontchu go wash up, I'll finish up in here.”

 

“yeah, alright,” Dean smiled, relaxing under the weight of his hand. Something about this man… it was grounding. Even if he didn't know him, something here felt  _ safe _ . He figured he could mark it down to their shared abuse, but he couldn't help but feel there was something else to it. 

 

“Thanks dude, holler if ya need me,” Benny nodded, and Dean headed off to the bathroom to wash the day's worth of grease and grime from his skin.


	5. Chapter 5

Benny wound up staying longer than either of them had planned. Not that it was a bad thing, they got along great and they thrived off each other's company. Benny respected his boundaries, and after the first night didn’t ask him to talk about anything he didn’t supply on his own. 

 

They were  _ happy _ existing together, Benny with his diner and Dean with his salvage yard. So it was a bit of a shock when Benny came home a few months later (he'd long since gotten his own key and moved his things into - what was now officially - his room) announcing he'd put an offer on a new place. 

 

“Wha- why? Did I do something?” Dean sat up, his heart sinking to his feet. He’d felt more normal since Benny’d been living with him, he almost felt  _ good _ , he didn’t want to go back to how things had been before, and the thought that he could have driven Benny away made him feel positively  _ sick.  _

 

“Nah o’ course not, jus’ figured you’d wan’ me outta your hair already,” Benny shrugged, flopping on the couch next to Dean and snatched his beer from his hand. “Been squattin’ with you long enough.”

 

Dean blushed, not even bothering to try to snag his drink back, “I uh- I don’ mind yanno. You don’ have to move out…” 

 

“Yer too nice to me, brotha, don’ worry abou’ me I can take care o’ myself,” Benny chuckled, slinging a (finally completely healed) arm over the back of the couch, “so what are we watchin’?”

 

“Doctor Sexy,” Dean mumbled, staring down at his lap, “but I don’ feel too great, think I’m gonna head to bed.” He didn’t want Benny to leave, God did he not want Benny to leave, but he wasn’t sure how he could possibly ask him to stay without making it weird. 

 

“Cher?” 

 

Dean paused his escape, but didn’t turn to face Benny, afraid the older man would be able to read his expression. He was good at that. Too good. 

 

“Ya know I’m here, ‘lright? If ya wanna talk, I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

 

Dean pursed his lips, taking a deep breath, “yeah, you are.” He hurried the rest of the way to his room, not daring to look back. 

 

It took a couple minutes, but eventually Dean could hear his friend wandering down the hallway. He should have expected it, as much as Benny had learned to respect where Dean drew the line, he would damn the line to hell if Dean ever got in too deep. 

 

And he was definitely in too deep this time. He couldn’t be alone again. He couldn’t

 

“Dean, ‘mon, tell me what this is all abou’,” he didn’t dare open the door, but Dean knew he was there, and… damn it.

 

“Come in,” he rasped, keeping his face buried in his pillow even as he heard the door open. 

 

“Ready to talk?”

 

Dean shook his head, slowly turning to face his friend. Best friend. Benny would understand. “Not really…”

 

“You don-”

 

“I want you to stay.”

 

Benny sat on the edge of the bed, a slow smile spreading across his lips, “all you had to do was say so suga, I don’ mind stayin’ here ‘t all.”

 

Dean relaxed slightly, sitting up and drawing his knees to his chest. “C-can I tell you something?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this, wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit it to himself, let alone someone else, but if anyone was gonna be on his side, it’d be Benny. 

 

“‘Course, cher, what is it?” 

 

“I-” Dean took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut, just one word, he could do this. He  _ could.  _ “I’m gay.” He flinched as the word left his lips, half expecting Benny to laugh in his face, or worse, call him disgusting. Hit him or lash out like Abby used to, but when he finally worked up the nerve to open his eyes Benny was just sitting there calmly, smiling at him. 

 

“I’m glad ya told me, Dean.”

 

Dean nodded, taking another deep breath, “I’ve known since I was eleven. I had a crush on this boy in my class. But I told Abaddon and she.. She said I couldn’t love another boy, that it was wrong and horrible and disgusting and… And then we got together. And she taught me to h-hate that about myself I-I was wrong and... and she made me take pills to sleep with her then she’d h-hit me if I even  _ looked  _ at a guy the wrong way. I don’t… I... “

 

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with likin’ who you like. Rae used to get pissed when I’d look’it other men too, think she was jus’ jealous, not homophobic but,” Benny shrugged, resting a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you for tellin’ me.”

 

“Y-you..?”

 

Benny chuckled, squeezing him tightly and nodding, “pan m’self, doesn’t much matter to me.” 

 

Dean sagged in relief, leaning his cheek on Benny’s hand, “I wasn't… she said showing emotion was weak, I couldn't be a man if I… that's why it's so hard, for years I…”

 

Benny nodded, tugging Dean into a hug - not the rough ‘man hugs’ he was used to, simply holding him against his chest. “Ain't nothin’ you do gon’ make ya any less of a man, cher, ya just do whatcha gotta.”

 

Dean sighed, tucking his face against Benny’s neck and relaxing into his arms. “wish I woulda met you back then insteada Abby, maybe I wouldn't be quite so fucked up.”

 

“Ya ain’t fucked up, suga, ya jus’ been through a lot, ya need time.”

 

Dean smiled slightly, letting Benny’s soft drawl fall over him. His accent was always heavier the more emotional was, this was no exception, and it was strangely calming to know he was just as wound up as Dean even if he was better at hiding it.

 

“Still wish it’d been you,” he murmured, surprisingly comfortable in Benny’s strong arms.

 

“Well that’s a loaded statement, ain’t it,” Benny chuckled, tightening his grip and resting his chin on top of Dean’s head. “Bu’ I wish ya didn’ have to deal with ‘er too, cher, ya deserve so much better.”

 

“Ain’t loaded,” Dean muttered, blushing. “Woulda saved us both a bunch of grief and… Maybe I wouldn’t be terrified at how damn good this feels,” he forced himself to look up at his friend, wondering if he felt just as comfortable as he did. 

 

“Cher..?”

 

Dean shrugged nervously, chewing on his lip. “I- you holding me like… like this, it… I… It feels good, and it scares me. I- maybe if she didn’t, I could just enjoy it and,” he sighed, “sorry, you prolly think I’m bein’ an idiot.”

 

“Not ‘t all, suga, I’m glad to hold ya whenever ya want,” Benny smiled. “Or anythin’ else, if you’re so inclined.”

 

“W-what does that mean?” Dean was sure his heart was beating loud enough for Benny to hear it, he couldn't possibly...

 

“Tha’ I'm yours, sug, fer whateva ya want,” Benny smiled shyly, brushing his thumb over Dean’s cheek. 

 

Dean blushed, looking down at his lap, “I… I don’t know if… I mean,” he sighed and nuzzled closer to Benny, feeling the other man relax slightly under him. “ _ Yet _ , I mean not yet, I can’t…  I’m not ready. I can barely say the word I…”

 

“Tha’s fine, chief, I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

 

“Bu... Don’ let go, jus’ yet? Can we stay like this a while longer?” 

  
Benny smiled, burying his nose in Dean’s hair, “I’ve got ya as long as ya need cher, ya don’ need ta worry abou’ tha’.”


	6. Chapter 6

As time passed Benny kept to his word, he was always there when Dean needed to him, but he didn’t push for anything more than what Dean offered. He held him when he needed, and backed off when he was too nervous. 

 

Dean himself was more than a little embarrassed, barely able to toe the line of a real relationship with the other man. 

 

He would brush his fingers over Benny’s a little more than strictly necessary, sit a little closer than socially acceptable, but that was all he could manage. 

 

Benny didn’t seem to care though, just smiled at every little step Dean took. He seemed to understand just how hard it was, even though Dean strictly refused to talk about exactly what Abaddon had put him through. 

 

They  _ did  _ start doing more things together around the house, though, settling in for movie nights on the couch where they would sit far too close and let their fingers linger in the popcorn bowl just for an excuse to touch one another. 

 

At first, Dean was terrified to do something that so much resembled a date, but he relaxed after the first couple times. Enough so that when they dozed off on the couch together and woke up wrapped around each other, Benny’s stale morning breath puffing against his cheek and his fingers twisted in the back of Benny’s shirt, he just wanted to relax back into sleep. But Sam and Gabriel were due for a visit later that day and he had a million things left to do. 

 

Still, he was careful not to wake his more-than-friend as he carefully slid out of his arms and got started on the chores that needed to be done. 

 

By the time Benny woke up, Dean had done the shopping and was just finishing cleaning up the apartment. 

 

“Morning, cher, why didn’ ya wake me? Woulda helped, ya know,” he muttered through a yawn. Dean could swear his heart swelled in his chest at Benny’s sleep-rough voice, and he couldn’t help a smile from splitting his cheeks at the small grunts and whines Benny made as he stretched.. 

 

“Ya looked so comfy, I didn’t wanna bother ya, anyway I figured you could use the sleep.” He distinctly did  _ not  _ mention how they had woken up, instead putting away the last dish and walking back to the couch. He tentatively sat down next to Benny and turned to face him, trying to will himself to gather the courage for what he really wanted to say, “you- uh- ” 

 

No. He couldn’t, not yet, he sighed, looking down at his lap. “You might wanna get ready, they’ll be here soon,” he muttered instead. 

 

Benny hesitated for a moment before nodding, “yeah, you got it. I’m gonna grab a shower then, thanks for lettin’ me sleep in sug.” 

 

Dean nodded, forcing himself to smile until Benny was out of sight. Fuck. Why couldn’t he just ask him out like a normal human, he already knew the feeling was mutual, he just had to  _ say something _ . 

 

~

 

Gabriel and Sam arrived a half hour later than they’d planned. As always. Sam was always on time if it was just him but apparently Gabriel was absolutely horrible in the morning. It didn’t matter though, Dean forgave him the second his brother pulled him into a tight hug and clapped his back, Gabriel following up with an awkward little wave. 

 

“Good tuh finally meet ya, Sam, Gabe,” Benny smiled once it settled down.

 

“I’m guessing you’re his roommate? Nice to put a face to a name, Benny,” Sam smiled, shaking Benny’s hand and rolling his eyes when Gabriel repeated the same little wave Dean had gotten. “Can you at least  _ act  _ enthusiastic you dick?”

 

“No, no I cannot, please tell me you have coffee Dean-o,” Gabriel whined, slinking away to the kitchen. 

 

“Sorry about him, he’s been grouchy all morning,” Sam grumbled, following Dean and Benny to the couch and sitting down. 

 

Dean snorted, sitting down next to Benny - way closer than probably normal - without a thought. “You forget, he was my friend first, I’m used to him. So how’ve ya been kid, how’s school goin’?” 

 

Sam smiled, running his hand through his hair, “ _ hard _ .” He breathed out a laugh, glancing over his shoulder at Gabe, “I’ve been getting by, just got accepted into law school. Gabriel’s actually been surprisingly helpful through everything… We uh, actually - Gabe for fucks sake get in here will you?”

 

“Fine, fine,” Gabriel grumbled, joining their group and curling up on Sam’s lap, steaming mug cuddled to his chest. 

 

“It’s noon.  _ How  _ are you still so tired.”

 

“Fuck off Sasquatch you aren’t the one that has to clean up after your bender study sessions. Now I think you were saying something. Unless I can piss off back to the kitchen?”

 

“No, no we’re talking now.”

 

Dean and Benny glanced skeptically at each other before turning back to the couple, “uh, you two good?”

 

Sam chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, we’re good, great even. Uh- better than great really, I can’t remember being so damn happy in my li-”

 

“Sam, I love you and all but get to the point,” Gabriel muttered, blinking sleepily up at him. 

 

“Right- sorry, uh, we’re engaged! I finally asked him-”

 

“He got me a ring pop!” 

 

“And a normal ring too, but he was more excited about the candy.”

 

“Well anyone could get me a boring old ring you’re the only one who knows me well enough to think to get me candy. That’s why I love ya,” Gabriel smiled, pecking Sam’s lips. 

 

“Well - I’m happy for both of you!” Dean smiled, chuckling as Benny slumped against his side, doubled over with laughter. 

 

“You two are like a walkin’ sitcom, ain’t ya? That’s awesome ta hear though,” he beamed once he caught his breath. 

 

Everyone but Dean seemed to miss the glint in Gabriel’s eyes at the contact, which he was thankful for when Gabriel pulled himself to his feet a second later. “Hey Dean-o, you’re good with cars aren’t ya? Ya mind takin’ a look at my clunker real quick?”

 

Sam started to protest - probably about to remind Gabriel that they were  _ guests _ \- but before he could Dean pulled himself up, “yeah totally, you two can get to know each other yeah?” He smiled, following Gabriel out the door.

 

“He likes you,” Gabriel announced as soon as the door closed behind them, nonchalantly leading them to the parking lot.

 

“Yeah, I know,” Dean muttered, looking down at his feet. 

 

“And you like him.”

 

“Y-yeah… I know…” 

 

“So why aren’t you banging yet?” Gabriel popped his hood and Dean gratefully dove into the car, thankful for something else to focus on. 

 

“I- I don’t know if I can… Abby kinda…”

 

Gabriel sighed, watching him work. “Kiddo I know she did a number on ya, but life is short. If you found something worth the effort you should go for it. I’ve been here for five minutes and I can already see how much good he’s done for you, I think it’s worth it to throw whatever fears you’re holding onto out the window.”

 

“He’s… He… What if it doesn’t work out?”

 

“What if it does? There’s always gonna be a risk Dean, but you can’t let that keep you from going for what you want.”

 

“I don’t want to lose him,” Dean whispered, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill. 

 

“Dean he’s gone for you, he ain’t goin’ anywhere. Take the jump man, it’s worth it,” Gabriel smiled, glancing down at the gold band on his finger. 

 

Dean nodded slowly, “yeah… yeah alright. I’ll,” he sighed, finishing up under the hood and wiping his hands on his jeans. “I’ll try to talk to him tonight, see what happens… if it falls through I’m-”

 

“It won’t. I know I’m not the most serious guy in the world but I know where to draw the line. If I fucked this up for you it would destroy you, you’re my friend and I don’t want that. If you don’t buy that, remember I’m marrying your little brother and he’ll kill me if he finds out I hurt you. So just trust me.”

 

“Yeah alright, fine. Thank you,” Dean muttered, letting the hood fall closed, “bring ‘er into the shop on Monday, I’ll give you a tune up on the house.”

 

“Knew there was a reason I liked you,” Gabriel smiled, locking the car up after them and heading back inside. 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, trailing after the pipsqueak. Gabriel was right… He knew he was. Benny had been nothing but good to him, he never flinched when Dean jumped away from him, never had anything other that kindness and support to offer, and even with their stilted awkward relationship-not-relationship, had stuck by him and not run off to something easier. But actually saying that out loud? Taking that final leap? That was gonna the hard part.

 

“Hope ya didn’t miss us too much, boys!” Gabriel cheered when they walked back inside, immediately finding his way to Sam’s side. 

 

“Not at all, I think I like Benny more than you shorty,” Sam teased, leaning down for a kiss. “We’re making lunch, Dean you didn’t tell me Benny was a chef! I’ll be coming over a hell of a lot more now, you know.”

 

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you,” Dean teased, shyly edging closer to Benny, “how could you let it slip, Ben, I trusted you!” 

 

“Sorry, cher, he dragged it outta me,” Benny nudged Dean’s shoulder, laughing easily and Dean felt like he could float away on the sound. Even with the blind panic spinning in his head, Benny could put him at ease without even trying. 

 

“That’s my boy, Sammy!” Gabriel cheered, clapping the moose on the shoulder, “ya cook desserts?” 

 

“Best pie in the area,” Dean answered for Benny, cautiously nudging against his side, lighting up when Benny’s hand dropped to cup the small of his back. It wasn’t like Abby’s cold claws digging into him, Benny wasn’t trying to control him, just reassuring him that he was there, the warm weight steady and unwavering. 

 

“Sam we’re moving in. Benny you can share Dean’s bed we’re takin’ your room.”

 

“Can’ say I’d complain ‘bout that one bit,” Benny purred, and Dean blushed furiously next to him. 

 

“Wha-”

 

“Sammy come on we have to pick a show or else Dean will make us watch Dr Sexy over food,” Gabriel cut him off, dragging him out to the living room, winking over his shoulder at Dean. Well, that was an opening if he ever saw one.

 

Benny stared after them, brow furrowed in confusion, “wha’ in the world go’ into him?”

 

Dean blushed, tentatively pressing himself against Benny’s chest, he could do this. “You know I wouldn’t really mind it either. If you… If you maybe stayed in my room tonight..? I… I kinda liked waking up with you this morning.” 

 

Benny stared at him, frozen, and Dean felt a sick panic begin to curl in his gut. “You- only if you-”

 

“I’d like tha’ a lo’ sugar,” Benny cut him off, smile spreading on his lips and arms winding around Dean’s waist. “We’ll talk mo’ when they leave ‘lright?” 

 

Dean nodded, letting himself stay wrapped in Benny’s arms for another moment before stepping back. He considered for a moment how easy it would be to lean down just a fraction and finally kiss him, but no he  _ definitely  _ wasn’t ready for that. “That sounds perfect.”

 

By the time Gabriel and Sam left though, both Benny and Dean were too exhausted to do much more than collapse into bed, still giggling over Gabriel’s war stories about the last finals week. 

 

“Can I touch ya, cher?” Benny murmured, rolling onto his side to face Dean. 

 

“‘Course,” Dean mumbled back, nuzzling against his chest, surprised when he isn’t met with an immediate swell of panic. “C’n we talk in the mornin’?”

 

Benny wrapped Dean tightly in his arms and kissed his hair, beaming when he didn’t feel Dean tense up at the contact, “sounds good, suga.”

 

Dean smiled, burying his face in Benny’s chest and letting his eyes fall shut, “g’night.”

  
“Night, sweetheart.”


	7. Chapter 7

The next thing Dean knows he’s dragged into consciousness by a ray of sunlight directly in his eyes. He rolled over, grumbling quietly to himself when he realized the other side of the bed was empty. So much for talking in the morning. 

  


He sighed and slowly opened his eyes, smiling when he spotted the slip of paper on Benny’s pillow. 

  


_ ‘Morning cher, sorry to run out on ya but you looked too peaceful to wake up. We’ll talk when I get home, enjoy your day off  _ _ ❤ ‘ _

  


Dean couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his lips and lightly traced his fingers over the heart. Maybe he could do this, Benny just made everything feel easy. He hummed, laying back down and clutching the note to his chest. 

  


He decided to stay in bed a little later than he normally would, allowing himself to enjoy the faint smell of Benny lingering on his sheets before dragging himself up and getting dress. It was a split second decision, but he decided to dress up a bit more than he usually would, nervously inspecting himself in the mirror before heading out

  


He needed to talk to Benny before he lost his nerve, and anyway, the man owned the restaurant, it wasn’t like he wouldn’t be able to take a short break to talk to Dean. He figured he wouldn’t mind to much, given the circumstances. 

  


The Mug wasn’t that far away, but by the time Dean arrived his will was already crumbling. He took a deep breath before walking in, immediately going to the bar and asking the blonde working the counter - Jo, her nametag announced - to see if Benny could drag himself away for a minute to come talk to one Dean Winchester. 

  


She went in back to check without an argument, and Dean settled himself into a booth while he waited, nearly jumping out of his skin when a familiar - and far from pleasant - voice stabbed his ears. 

  


“Dean? I should have known you’d start coming here again, never could resist this  _ disgusting  _ place, could you?”

  


Dean flinched away, slowly turning to face the redhead standing over him, “Abby, I’m just here to talk to my… My friend,” Dean grumbled, pushing himself back into the booth. He’d been stupid to think he’d never see her again, but he’d been so hopeful he’d never run into her. 

  


“Yeah, I’m sure you are,” Abaddon scoffed, rolling her eyes, “tell me, have you gone back to your - erm - disgusting little  _ habit _ ?”

  


Dean flinched, “if by that do you mean have I been dating-”

  


“Hey there, darlin’, I think I’m ‘onna have to ask yah to leave,” Benny’s drawl came from somewhere behind Abaddon and Dean sagged in his seat, relief washing over him. 

  


One glance at his friend told Dean Benny knew exactly who he was dealing with, and the small, reassuring, smile the older man shot him washed away the last of the terror that had settled in his gut. 

  


“Or what, faggot? You gonna remove me?” Abby hissed, turning to face Benny and leaving Dean to breath through his nerves. 

  


“‘O course not, ‘d never raise a hand to a lady, but my employees…” Benny shrugged, turning to signal Jo at the counter. 

  


It hardly registered to Dean when Abby grabbed the napkin dispenser off the table, he’d always thought he was smarter than to hurt someone in public, but then she was winding up to swing. 

  


“Benny!” he yelped in warning, trying to grab her arm, but she slipped past his reach and a second later the metal connected with Benny’s head with a sickening  _ crunch _ . “Benny! Oh, no no no,” Dean whined, shoving Abaddon away and falling to the floor where a small puddle of blood was already gathering around Benny’s head. 

  


He barely noticed Jo’s voice in the background as she called the police and pinned a screaming Abaddon down. It didn’t matter, Benny wasn’t opening his eyes, and there was  _ so much blood _ . 

  


“Come on, Benny, please wake up. Please, I need you to be okay, man,” Dean babbled, gently pulling Benny into his lap and gingerly brushing through his blood soaked hair. 

  


He isn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but by the time the ambulance shows up his pants are damp with blood. 

  


He watches them load Benny’s limp body onto a gurney and wheel him onto the back, and before he can think better of it, he runs in behind them, clinging to Benny’s hand for dear life. 

  


“What can you tell us about him?” One of the EMT’s asked, hooking Benny up to a handful of machines. 

  


“Hi-his name’s Benjamin Lafitte, he’s twenty eight, record of prior abuse, but I’m not sure how about head trauma specifically…” Dean said, trying to think of anything that might be relevant, all that mattered right now was helping Benny. “Is he okay..?”

  


As if on queue, Benny groaned, and his eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked around for a moment before his eyes landed on Dean, “hey, brotha… wha’ happened?” He drawled, wincing as a bump jostled his head. 

  


“Abaddon hit you with a napkin thing, I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have been involved in any of that…” He sniffed, squeezing his hand. 

  


“Benjamin, can you tell me what day it is?” An EMT asked, shining a flashlight in his eyes. 

  


Benny winced, squeezing Dean’s back before answering, “Thursday, October thirteenth, two-thousand and five.” 

  


“How many fingers am I holding up?”

  


“Three,” Benny answered after a minute, squinting against the bright lights.

  


The EMT nodded and seemed to relax, wrapping a white bandage around Benny’s head. “Alright, looks like you’re doing alright, we’ll still wanna keep you for observation for a couple hours.” 

  


“‘Lright,” Benny grumbled, closing his eyes, “guess I can’t complain ‘bout that…” 

  


The pulled up to the hospital a couple minutes later and Benny was wheeled into a room. A nurse hooked him up to a monitor, saying she’d be back soon to check on him before walking out. 

  


Dean tagged along silently, hovering near the edge of Benny’s cot and tugging at his sleeves. 

  


“What’s eatin’ ya chief?” Benny asked once they were finally alone, and Dean flinched, staring down at his hands. 

  


“You got hurt because of me… I thought… there was so much blood… I’m so sorry.” 

  


Benny chuckled, reaching out to take Dean’s hand, “don’t be ridiculous, I shouldn’ta turned my back, was dumb on my part. Ya didn’t do anythin’ wrong cher, so quit your worryin’.” 

  


Dean nodded slowly, climbing up to sit on the edge of the cot and clasping Benny’s hand in both of his, “thank you… for stepping in… No one’s ever done that before…”

  


“Ain’t a problem, sug, I wasn’t gon’ leave you to handle that bitch alone. Wha’ were ya doin’ at the diner, though, if ya don’ mind me askin’. Jo said ya wanted to talk.”

  


Dean blushed, glancing down at their hands. His nerve had long since evaporated, but the more he thought about it… Benny had done nothing but help him since day one. He was patient and sweet and loyal, he’d stepped up the second he’d seen Dean struggling, he was the best friend Dean had ever had, and really… what the hell was he so afraid of? 

  


“I… I just,” he forced himself to take a deep breath, smiling as kind blue eyes met his, “I wanted to do this,” he whispered, slowly leaning down and pressing a tentative kiss to Benny’s lips. 

  


It took Benny a second to get with the program, enough time for Dean to worry maybe he’d made a terrible mistake, but then he was kissing back, and it was the best kiss Dean had ever had. 

  


It wasn’t like he had much to compare it to, but the way Benny kissed him like he wanted to learn every atom of his lips, the way he held him like he was something precious, something worth protecting,  _ treasuring, _ he couldn’t imagine anything better. 

  


By the time they parted, Dean couldn’t remember why exactly he’d wanted to wait, and one look at Benny’s stunned eyes and parted lips had him lunging in again, cupping Benny’s cheeks in his palms to keep him close, not that he was going anywhere with how tightly his arms were wrapped around Dean’s waist. 

  


“Boyfriends?” Dean whispered once they parted for the second time, chuckling when all Benny could manage was a small nod before regaining his voice.

  


“Boyfriends,” he murmured after a minute, lifting a hand to cup Dean’s cheek. “This ain’t gon’ change tha- ‘m still gon’ let you lead, don’ wanna push yah.”

  


Dean smiled, relaxing into the touch. “I uh… I think I’d like it if… If you took the lead here, man. This is… I’m a bit…” Dean blushed, he hated showing weakness, but this was Benny, the same guy who insisted being honest was way better than any societal view of masculinity. So he’d be honest. But he wouldn’t like it. “I’m scared… I think I’ll feel better if I don’t have to… If you can just show me how… I’m used to takin’ orders and I know it ain’t gonna be like that but…”

  


It takes him a minute of carefully studying Dean’s face, but eventually Benny nodded. “‘Lright, if tha’s what you want, buh only if you promise you’ll tell me if I move too fast. I wan’ you to be happy, don’ push yourself because you think I expect ya to.”

  


Dean nodded slowly, covering Benny’s hand with his own and leaning down for a short kiss, “I’m always happy with you,” he whispered, letting his eyes fall shut as Benny lightly stroked his cheek with his thumb. “You make me feel safe.”

  


Benny relaxed, leaning up enough to kiss Dean’s forehead and wincing as he settled back onto his pillows. Damn, that girl of his had an arm on her. 

  


“Mister Lafitte- Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” the doctor mumbled, looking away as Dean scrambled off the cot with a barely intelligible apologies and excuses.

  


“Coffee- I’ll go get some coffee- Benny can I get you anything?” 

  


Benny snorted, fond smile forming on his lips, “nah, thanks  _ cher _ , hurry back.”

  


Dean nodded, stumbling over his feet as he hurried out of the room, leaving Benny to deal with the doctor alone. 

  


Fuck he probably should have stayed, boyfriend’s were supposed to be supportive weren’t they? But Benny’d been smiling, so he couldn’t have been too disappointed, right?

  


He groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face as he walked, they’d barely been together three minutes and he was already fucking up. 

  


He hurried to the cafe, getting himself a coffee and opting to pick Benny up a muffin, only belatedly remembering his jeans were still soaked in blood. Well. He was in a hospital… He wouldn’t get too many weird looks… Until he had to walk back to the diner for his car… Fuck.

  


On a whim he pulled out his phone, dialing Gabriel’s number and pressing it to his ear. 

  


“Heya bro-in-law, how’s it hangin’?” Gabriel’s disgustingly cheery voice cut across the line. 

  


“Hey, uh… what are you doing today?” It was a long shot, but Gabriel was self employed so maybe he could pick them up and give them a ride back to their cars.

  


“Sleeping, sex, snacking… The usual, why what can I do for ya?”

  


“Do…” He’s never hear the end of this one but “do you think you could pick Benny and I up at the hospital whenever he’s released and give us a ride to The Mug? I jumped in the ambulance with him like a dumbass and I’m not looking forward to catching a bus covered in blood.”

  


Gabriel was silent for a moment, and Dean was honestly a little worried, until a loud shriek came from  the other line “is he okay?! What the fuck happened you can’t just spring that on me without an explanation!” 

  


“Oh, uh- right, Abby showed up and he… He got between us, he’s okay. I mean - he has a concussion... I think, but it isn’t too severe, apparently head wounds bleed a lot though and I had his head on uh, on my leg and… Yeah…” 

  


“Okay, okay yeah of course I can. Just text me when he’s free to go. Are you okay though Dean? Like… Mentally, I know seeing Abby must have been shit and then…”

  


Dean smiled shyly, taking a sip of his drink before replying, “yeah I’m… I’m actually pretty good… I mean everything is shit right now but…”

  


“Did you two fuck? You fucked didn’t you.”

  


“What! No!” Dean sputtered, nearly spitting out his coffee. “No of course not, but… We are together… I kissed him…” 

  


Gabriel squealed, and Dean could swear he could hear him bouncing up and down when he responded, “that’s amazing Dean! I’m proud of you! Yeah I’ll totally pick you and your boyfriend up, just text me when.” 

  


Dean picked at his cup, smiling at the ground. His boyfriend. The term didn’t trigger the panic attack he had been braced for, but instead images of snuggling up with Benny in bed, waking up to stale kisses and lazy days curling up on the couch… 

  


“Yeah, thanks dude.” 

  


Dean was just about to hang up when he heard Gabriel cut across the line, voice uncharacteristically serious. “Hey, Dean?”

  


“Yeah, man?”

  


“I really am proud of you, I mean, I’m still gonna tease you but... I know this is a big deal for you. I’m really glad you’re happy, you deserve it after everything. He seems like a good guy.”

  


Dean nodded, smiling as he reached Benny’s room just in time to see the doctor leave. “Yeah… He really is, thank you.”

  


Gabriel hummed and hung up, leaving Dean to stuff his phone into his back pocket as he pushed the door open. “Hey, I come bearing food.”

  


Benny was sitting up now, which he took as a good sign, so he crawled up next to him and plopped his bag in his lap. 

  


“Yer too good to me cher,” Benny purred, leaning over to kiss his cheek, immediately relaxing when Dean slumped into him. 

  


“Think you’ve got that backwards… handsome.” Dean blushed, tucking his head against his boyfriend’s neck. “What’d the doc say?”

  


“He thinks I should be good in abou’ an hour, jus wan’s to make sure I don’ pass out again er somethin’, ‘parently that’s still a risk.” 

  


Dean nodded, curling up against Benny’s side and sipping his coffee. “Good, Gabe’s gonna pick us up and give us a ride back to The Mug when you’re free… And you’re done working for the day…” He paused, nuzzling closer to Benny, who took the hint to wrap an arm around him. “I’d feel better if I drove you home, I’ll give you a ride tomorrow too but… You shouldn’t drive right now.”

  


“Thoughtful o’ ya sug, can’t say I’m opposed.”

  


Dean picked nervously at the bottom of his cup, squeezing his eyes shut, “will… like last night… Can we..?”

  


“You wan’ me to hold ya?”

  
Dean nodded, keeping his eyes tightly closed, even as a deep rumbling laugh tempted him to look up, if only to see Benny’s brilliant smile. “Course sug, that won’ ever be a problem.”


	8. Chapter 8

It took a longass time, but slowly Dean and Benny fell into a rhythm: Benny spending more nights than not in Dean’s room, Dean learning his own boundaries and slowly pushing himself beyond them.

 

Still, they never took it beyond cuddling and the occasional tentative kiss, always initiated by Dean.

 

Benny, for his part, took everything in stride. Of course, they had been living together for nearly a year, so he was used to the weird and sometimes random things that would send Dean spiraling into a panic attack (and naturally did his best to avoid them), but he got to see a whole new side to what Abaddon had put him through as his boyfriend. 

 

Truthfully it broke his heart. 

 

Dean was a good man, that much had been clear to Benny since the first day he’d allowed him to hide behind the counter at the salvage yard, and had only been proven in the months that followed. 

 

It physically hurt him to watch Dean suffer from the memories of that twisted bitch of a woman he had devoted so much of his life to, and since half the time it was  _ his  _ fault Dean was freaking out, there wasn’t much he could do except make sure Dean had everything he needed and be there when he calmed down. 

 

It was even worse after, though. 

 

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t cry, I know I shouldn’t cry, it’s nothing.”

 

Of course it was nothing, it was always nothing, Dean Winchester wasn’t allowed to show emotion, that was weak.  _ Unmanly _ . 

 

“Stop, sug, yer fine. Can ya tell me what happened?” 

 

It always took an extra moment of hesitation, but Dean would eventually sink into Benny’s strong arms and let himself fall apart, just for a moment, while he told Benny what exactly had triggered the latest bout of panic. 

 

The more he learned, the more Benny regretted not swinging when he had the chance. Sure, Abby was rotting in jail now, but that didn’t come close to making up for the hospital stays she’d caused, the physical trauma that still haunted the poor man. 

 

More than that, the emotional damage, Dean couldn’t so much as wear his mother’s ring without worrying it would take something away from him. 

 

Benny wished to God there was more he could do to help him, but as it were, he was just there. Taking everything Dean offered during the good times with a smile, buckling down against the venom he spit during the bad. 

 

Even so, Dean slowly got more used to waking up to a beard prickling his cheek, beefy arms wrapping around his waist, and thick fingers combing through his hair. 

 

After a seven months, it wasn’t difficult for him to roll over in the morning and kiss Benny awake, it didn’t cause a swell of terror so much as warm contentment to feel so safe and  _ whole  _ wrapped up with his boyfriend. 

 

“Mm mornin’ cher,” Benny breathed, arms automatically wrapping around Dean’s shoulders. 

 

“Morning handsome,” Dean smiled against his lips, relaxing into his arms, “mm I don’ wanna go to work.”

 

It was the same complaint as every morning, but today  _ was  _ Friday and Dean had been working himself ragged lately, so Benny caved, brushing his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, “call in sick, ‘ll stay ‘ome with ya.”

 

Dean hesitated, blush coloring his cheeks as he nodded a moment later. “Y-yeah. Don’t… don’t move, I wanna stay in bed a while longer and I need someone to c-cu-cuddle with, I’ll be right back.” He smiled, pecking Benny’s lips one more time before dragging himself out of bed to call Bobby. 

 

By the time he got back Benny was sprawled out on his back his shirt rucked up around his stomach, and Dean was surprised to feel his mouth go dry at the sight. He wasn’t… scared. So what was happening. 

 

“Happy to see me, sug?” Benny teased, propping himself up on his elbow, his eyes trailing coals down Dean’s body and Dean glanced down to notice the obvious tent in his pants. 

 

“Oh my god I’m- I’m so sorry that’s never happened I don’t- I’m sorry- So sorry.” He blushed, scrambling to back out the door while trying his best to keep covered. 

 

“He- hey, sweetheart, it’s okay come here,” Benny hurried out of bed, determined to keep Dean from getting to the point of a full blown anxiety attack over this. Some weird things had set him off in the past, but there was no way he was letting Dean be ashamed for being attracted to his  _ boyfriend  _ for Christ’s sake. 

 

He managed to catch him by the arm and immediately pulled him into a tight hug. “What’s wrong, Dean? Talk to me.”

 

Dean crumbled in his arms, sniffing quietly. “I-I didn’t know I could...without pills… I didn’t mean… I’m sorry,” he finally managed to whisper, hiding his face against Benny’s sleep-warm neck. 

 

“You- Oh sug, no... Come here sweetheart,” Benny sighed, his heart breaking in his chest not for the first time as he scooped Dean into his arms. He sat on the edge of the bed, his boyfriend perched on his lap, “will you look at me?”

 

Slowly but surely Dean withdrew from his hiding place enough to meet Benny’s calm eyes, bottom lip trembling. 

 

“What she made you do… that was wrong. Yer supposed tuh react this way when you're attracted to someone, you can’t help it. And ‘s long as it’s consensual ya  _ definitely  _ don’ have anything to worry about, ‘nd I sure as hell don’t have a problem helping you out... If you want.”

 

Dean blushed, immediately hiding back against Benny’s neck and whimpering softly, “but it hurts… what we did it… I don’t like it.” 

 

Benny sighed, lightly petting Dean’s hair, “do yah trust me?” At Dean’s immediate nod, Benny allowed his hand to drift over Dean’s neck, “can I touch you?” This time the nod is slower coming, but it’s still there. “Just relax, sweetheart, I’ve got you. If you want to stop you just tell me okay?” 

 

Dean forced himself to relax into Benny’s arm, focusing his attention on the hand wrapped around his bicep, “y-yeah, okay…” He feels Benny smile against his temple, and twists himself to press a kiss to his throat. 

 

He started slowly, leaving one hand holding Dean’s arm to keep him grounded as he trailed the nails lightly down his chest and back up to his throat, his fingers dropping a fraction lower with every pass, and Dean surprises himself by arching into the touch.

 

“That’s it, angel, it’s okay, let me take care of ya,” Benny purred, his hand dropping to the hem of his shirt and rucking up the thin material. 

 

Dean tensed slightly under the change, fists bunching in the sheets, and Benny stilled  his hand, gently stroking his arm. “You okay beautiful?”

 

After a handful of shuddering breaths Dean nodded, settling back into Benny’s arms. “Y-yeah, feels… feels good.” 

 

Benny smiled, gently coaxing him into a kiss and resuming his gentle petting, other hand dropping to lightly pet his thigh. 

 

Dean groaned into his mouth, instinctively letting his legs fall open. “F-feels good Bear,” he panted, rolling his hips slightly as Benny’s fingers trailed closer to his cock. 

 

Benny groaned, dipping down to nibble along Dean’s neck, “yer gorgeous cher,” he purred against his ear, shifting to palm Dean’s straining cock through his pants. “Wanna taste ya, can I?” 

 

Dean froze, blushing furiously. “I- you mean- I’ve never- she…” 

 

“‘S okay sweetheart, here... up on the bed, on your back.” 

 

Dean nodded, slowly climbing off Benny’s lap and scooching up on the bed, hesitating a second before tugging off his shirt and smiling shyly at the groan it elicited. 

 

“ _ Fuck _ , you’re so gorgeous, Chief,” Benny murmured, crawling over him and pressing their lips together, letting up a moment later to nip down his throat. 

 

“Don’ stop- p-please don’t stop,” Dean panted, rubbing his hands lightly over Benny’s shoulders. 

 

Benny hummed in response, dropping down enough to suck one of Dean’s nipples between his teeth, rolling the other between his fingers. He smirked when Dean immediately arched into the touch, letting out a shameless moan.

 

“B-Benny oh my god-” Dean babbled, writhing under the attention as Benny slowly trailed his lips lower.

 

“Gonna take good care of you, baby, don’t worry,” he whispered, tugging Dean’s pants down enough to free his cock and dipping his tongue into the slit. 

 

“Fuck! Fuck Benny please, pleasepleaseplease!” 

 

Benny smirked, pinning Dean’s hips down before going to town, pulling out every trick he knew to make it as good as possible, and it hardly took five minutes before Dean was spilling down his throat, reduced to a writhing, whimpering mess. 

 

“S-sorry-” he panted once he’d regained enough air to speak, relaxing when Benny smiled up at him, licking his lips contentedly. 

 

“Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for, sugar, comere,” Benny purred, pulling him into his arms and letting him snuggle against his chest. 

 

“I can… if you… I shouldn’t leave you like…” Dean glanced down at Benny’s tented boxers, “do I just… Like..?” 

 

Benny caught his wrist before he could touch him, lifting his hands back to his lips and lightly kissing his fingers. “Don’t worry about it, cher, this wasn’t about me.”

 

Dean struggled for a second before settling back in against his chest. “T-thank you… B-Benny..?”

 

“Yeah cher?”

 

“I…” Dean forced himself to take a deep breath, working himself up for another moment before managing to blurt out a jumbled “I love you.” 

 

“Y-...” Benny’s breath caught in his throat and he stared down at the boy in his arms.

 

Dean tensed, hiding his face against his chest a moment later, “I’m sorry, I- sorry…” He’d fucked up, he knew it had been too early to say it, but Benny was always so insistent he said what he was feeling and… 

 

“Don’t apologize, cher, I just… ya mean it?”

 

Dean sniffed, entire body trembling as he forced himself to nod. Benny would leave. Of course he would. This was all too fast, he should have just kept his stupid mouth shut.

 

But…

 

Benny wasn’t drawing away. If anything he was pulling Dean closer. 

 

“It’s okay, cher, it’s okay, don’t cry.” And damnit, he hadn’t even noticed the tears spilling from his eyes, but of course Benny had.

 

“Hush now, sweetheart, why the tears? I love you too, I do, just surprised me is all. ‘S okay, I’m not going anywhere, just breathe.”

 

“W-w-why w-would y-you lo-love me? I-I’m pathetic.” 

 

“Hush you, don’t talk like that.”

 

“Bu-but it’s the truth. I can’t do anything and… and you’ve been so patient with me and I haven’t given you a damn thing an- and you deserve so much better…”

 

“Dean, all I wan’ is to be yours, you've given me that. I don' deserve better, there  _ is _ nothin’ better. You’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ve been through hell and yer still here fightin’, yer happy… least I think ya are, er yer gettin’ there. I’m proud o’ ya, not to mention you’re the kindest man I’ve ever met, you’re damn funny, gorgeous… what’s not to love, sweetheart?”

 

Dean sniffed, forcing himself to look up, “y-you mean that?”

 

Benny smiled slightly, gently cupping Dean’s cheek and brushing away his tears, “course I do cher, I wouldn’t lie to you. Yer pretty damn amazing. Hell you took in my sorry ass the day ya met me without a second thought.”

 

“Y-you didn’t have anywhere else to go…” Dean defended weakly, leaning into Benny’s steady hand. 

 

“So? How many people d’ya think would have done what you did, Dean? No one who’d been through what you had, that’s for damn sure. You’re too good for your own good.” 

 

“I got you out of the deal, didn’t I?” 

  
Benny smiled, lightly trailing his fingers over Dean’s cheek, “you sure did, cher, I love you.”


	9. Chapter 9

After the admission, both Dean and Benny had expected a crash of epic proportions. Between his first time willingly going to bed with someone and the whole ‘I love you’ speech, they figured it was only a matter of time, and he did panic a little - more worried about their first time really together and if Benny would expect it sooner now - but as it turns out, he didn’t wind up with much time to worry about it. 

 

They spent the rest of their Friday curled up with each other, Benny getting up around noon to make them something to eat while Dean dozed in and out of sleep with his pillow cuddled to his chest, but the next day they were woken up way too early by Dean’s phone ringing off the hook.

 

“Wha’is’it?” Dean slurred, burying his face against Benny’s chest while the bear of a man chuckled and lightly rubbed his back. 

 

“Hey De- did I wake you..?” Sam’s disgustingly cheery voice cut across the line and Dean groaned, recognition slowly cutting through the sleep in his mind. 

 

“That’s right, fuck-” he yawned, stretching lazily. “Wedding planning day… How’s Gabe taking being up this early..?”

 

“He’s barricaded himself in the bathroom with the entire pot of coffee,” Sam laughed, shaking his head. “Are you two still coming with us?”

 

Dean nodded, biting back another yawn. “Yeah of course, give me a half hour and we’ll head over… Tell Gabe I’ll bring him something with a triple shot and lots of sugar if he gets himself ready.”

 

“Make it quadruple!” Gabe called, peeking out of the bathroom and downing the rest of his coffee while Sam laughed. 

 

“Deal,” Dean laughed, nuzzling back against Benny. “I’ll see you guys in like an hour.” He hung up, hiding his face. 

 

Benny chuckled, kissing his head. “Come on, up with you cher…”

 

“Noo, you can’t make me,” Dean mumbled, burrowing under the blankets. 

 

“You asked for it.”   
  


Dean was about to ask what exactly he’d asked for when he felt Benny’s thick arms hooking under him and hauling him off the bed. Dean yelped, clinging onto Benny’s neck and hiding against his chest. “Rude is what you are, you know that?”

 

Benny laughed, carrying him to the bathroom and gently setting him down. “Shower, I’ll get started on br-” he paused when Dean caught his sleeve, turning around and raising an eyebrow. “Problem, cher?”

 

“Join me?” Dean whispered, peeking up at him through his lashes. “I… Shower with me… I’ve… You’ve seen me naked now and I never got to see you…”

 

Benny nodded, kissing him softly. “You sure? You don’ have to push yerself cher.”

 

“Shut up and strip will you?” Dean grumbled, impatiently pulling at his shirt. 

 

Benny chuckled, complacently stripping down. “Okay, okay, you’re the boss chief…”

 

Dean looked him over cautiously, not sure if he expected to panic or simply explode, but neither happened. Benny was definitely larger than him.  _ Everywhere.  _ And it was strangely calming, realizing how easily Benny would be able to hurt him if he wanted, how easy it would be for him to take, and realizing he never would. 

 

“Like what ya see?” Benny hummed, flexing comically and grinning when Dean burst into a fit of giggles. 

 

“You’re… You’re gorgeous,” Dean whispered once his laughter died down, stripping down and cautiously stepping closer, pressing them together.

 

“De…” 

 

Dean’d always loved Benny’s voice, loved falling asleep to the low rumble of his singing, always relaxed to the familiar drawl of his accent but this… This was different, growly,  _ needy _ , and god did he want more. 

 

“Y-yeah, Bear?” He could feel Benny’s growing erection pressing against his thigh, and pressed closer, shyly biting his lip. 

 

Benny cursed, balling his fists behind Dean’s back. “S-sorry cher… Been a while…”

 

Dean shook his head, nosing along his throat. “I’m not f-freaking out…”

 

Benny bit his lip, bucking slightly against Dean’s hip. “We don’ got t-time fer…”

 

Dean hugged him closer, nuzzling against his neck. “We can be late…”

 

Benny growled low in his throat, pressing Dean back into the wall and grinding against him, panting against his neck. 

 

“O-oh god… Ben…”

 

Benny froze, taking a step back. “S-sorry- ‘m sorry, don’ gotta do nothin’ De, ‘m f-fine with-”

 

“Don’t you dare stop,” Dean hissed, dragging him back against him and bucking clumsily against his thigh. 

 

Benny moaned, pulling him into a sloppy kiss and wrapping a hand around both of them. “Love you, cher…”

 

“Love you too,” Dean panted back, bucking into his hand. “Oh god- h-hot…”

 

Benny smiled, nipping a mark in his neck. “Can show ya so many things cher… Make ya feel so good…” 

 

Dean blushed, moaning softly and leaning heavily against Benny. “C-can’t wait… L-like how you touch me, feel safe…”

 

Benny smiled, pulling him into a kiss and stroking them both, pressing Dean back into the wall. “Never gonna hurt you cher… Love you… Love watchin’ ya fall apart.”

 

Dean whined against his lips, bucking weakly into his fist as he came, gasping when he felt Benny follow shortly after him. “Oh God, did you…”

 

Benny rested his head against Dean’s shoulder, nodding slightly. “You’re so gorgeous cher… Christ...”

 

Dean giggled, kissing his head. “I think we definitely need that shower now…”

 

“Pro’lly got a point there,” Benny hummed, lifting him up and holding him against his chest and turning on the water. 

 

“Like it with you… feels good with you…”

 

“I’m glad cher, always wanna make ya feel good.”

 

~

 

They were only fifteen minutes late when they pulled up to Sam and Gabe’s house, and Gabriel swooped in and grabbed his coffee before Dean had even made it out of the car. 

 

“Best baby brother ever,” he purred, downing half of the massive coffee in one go.

 

Dean cringed, shaking his head. “You can’t call me that, we’ve made out.”

 

“And I’m marrying your brother, making me your brother. And your older brother at that, meaning I get to hold your little incest transgression over your head for the rest of my life.”

 

Benny laughed, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist and tugging him back against his chest. “‘N maybe we should tell Sammy ‘bout how you jumped ‘is brother. Dean’s tol’ me ‘bout it, yanno…”

 

Gabriel bit his lip, shrugging slightly. “So what? Sam knows about it, it was just to get De’s head out of his ass…”

 

“Tha’s it? What ‘bout how you tried to hook up with him for ages after..?”

 

“I did not! It was just too get him to admit he liked guys!”

 

“Sam doesn’ know that.” 

 

Gabriel groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Fine, fine you win.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow, looking up at Benny. “I’ve never won against him before…”

 

“Well then, ain’t you lucky I’m here,” Benny smiled, kissing him softly. “Now where’s that brotha ‘o yours, he was the one that was eager to get out early.”

 

“Right here,” Sam laughed, sauntering down and tugging Dean into a hug. “You two are adorable.”

 

Dean scoffed, cuffing his head, but he didn’t hesitate to curl himself back against Benny’s chest as soon as he was let go. “Where to first?”

 

“Tux shop, and since I can’t see him in his, and vice versa, Benny you’re helping me, Dean you’ve got him.” Sam grinned, snatching the keys from Gabriel.

 

“Why me? Why can’t Benny get your satan spawn of a fiance,” Dean pouted, following them to their car. 

 

Sam laughed, shrugging. “Cause it’s my wedding, and you two have been friends forever.”

 

Dean grumbled, curling up against a laughing Benny in the back seat for the drive, and sulking after Gabriel when they arrived with only a handful of pitiful ‘I don’ wanna’s.

 

“He seems happy,” Sam murmured, tugging Benny back into the dressing room with him, smiling softly. “More happy than I’ve seen him in ages.”

 

Benny shrugged, looking down. “I hope so, ‘ve been tryin’ to help ‘im as much as I can.” 

 

Sam nodded, biting his lip. “Truth be told, I wanted you alone so I could give you the whole ‘you hurt my brother they won’t find the body’ speech but… I guess circumstances are a bit different here, huh..? I know you know he’s… He’s been through so much, we all know he’s… difficult, and… you’ve done so much for him already, I don’t really think I have to worry about you fucking off when things get hard.”

 

Benny chuckled, shaking his head. “Figured… O’ course not. I love the idiot, I’ll be stickin’ around as long as ‘ill have me, even if he jus’ needs me to help ‘im get his feet under him again…”

 

Sam sighed, nudging his shoulder. “He loves you, I’ve… Never seen him like this. And I never thanked you, you’ve… I’ve been trying to help him for years, but I’ve never gotten him so… alive. He’s almost like he used to be and… Thank you, for giving me my brother back, and… Just remember you’ve gotta take care of yourself too. Don’t let him forget that you’ll need him sometimes too, I’ll kick his ass if I need to.”

 

“I don’ think you gotta worry about that brotha, he’s better at taking care o’ me than I am, I wish he’d put half as much concern into himself…” Benny smiled slightly, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “I ain’t denyin’ he’s a handful, and we’ve got our fair share o’ issues, but right now we’re happy, he’s got my back, I got his, an’... I believe I’m doin’ some sort o’ good for him. He’s either gon’ use me till he’s better an’ move on on his own, or I’m gonna make an honest man of ‘im, you ain’t gotta worry ‘bout him gettin’ hurt none.”

 

Sam nodded, clapping his shoulder. “Guess I got another wedding to look forward to then, welcome to the family, man.”

 

~

 

After tux’s came cake, which naturally, Sam left mostly up to Gabriel, letting him jump between type five and one as many times as his little heart desired, even if no one else could taste a difference. 

 

Once he was settled on type three, (an understated hero, Sammy, I’m the baker here, you’ve gotta listen to me), came flowers, then color schemes, groomsmen (and a fight over who got Dean as best man, which Gabriel won, leaving Sam with Benny as his choice.) and about a million other decisions Dean didn’t understand, Sam and Gabe finally dropped them back at home, and Dean was more than happy to collapse against Benny and let him worry about getting them both inside while he rested. 

 

“Alright you, you’re gonna have to work with me if ya don’ wanna sleep in your jeans.” Dean whined, but managed to lift his hips enough for Benny to tug off the offending garments. 

 

“Promise me our wedding isn’t gonna be this big o’ a fuss?” He was too tired to think about the implications of his words, and he would absolutely blame it if Benny said anything, or at least, that’s what he told himself, until he caught sight of the blush dusting Benny’s cheeks or the small smile he shot his way. 

 

“I promise, cher. Now you close your eyes, I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

Dean managed to keep himself awake just long enough for Benny to join him in bed and whisper a garbled ‘I love you’ against his chest, although, he was pretty sure he could feel Benny’s lips move in reply where they were pressed against his forehead before sleep fully overtook him. 


	10. Chapter 10

“I’m in love,” Dean Winchester, with all the knowledge in the world at the ripe old age of thirty-seven announced to his brother, smiling shyly when Sam just rolled his eyes. 

 

“No shit, you’ve been in love for over a decade now.”

 

Dean nodded, biting his lip. “That’s my point! Sam, I love him so much…”

 

Sam raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his seat and sipping his beer. As much as he loved to tease Dean about how he’d turned into the sappiest piece of shit in the world since he met Benny, he couldn’t deny he was a little in love with the man himself. He’d given him his brother back. He’d given him his best friend back. Something he’d never thought possible.

 

Sure there were still times when Dean would retreat in on himself, but it was happening less and less often, and when he wasn’t he was more-or-less normal. He could go out for a beer with Sam, he was comfortable flopping on the couch with Gabriel when Sam stole his man for cooking lessons, he was branching out, he had a couple of new people he would talk to occasionally, even making plans to catch a movie with one of them without Benny tagging along. 

 

So Sam indulged him, nudging his arm and smiling. “What’s your point?”

 

“That I’m in love! That I’m happy again and I can be alone and not be scared and he’s stuck around through all of my shit, and you two have gotten really close since we got together too and since he doesn’t exactly have any family left I can’t talk to them… But you’re like his brother too so that sort of counts cause he’s like really old fashion so I wanna get  _ someone’s  _ blessing.” 

 

Sam had all but tuned out Dean’s rambling, so when he caught the last line he nearly choked on his drink.”Blessing?”

 

Dean nodded, biting his lip. “I know you’re my brother, so it’s dumb, but you two are the closest out of him and any of his friends, he’s an only child, his parents died… So it’s you, so can I have your blessing?”

 

“To… Ask him to marry you..?”

 

Dean nodded eagerly, smiling shyly. “He wants to get married, even mentioned wanting some rugrats… But I’ve been scared, and we all know he isn’t gonna ask  _ me _ , he’d never push me like that, and I feel ready now, so I wanna.”

 

Sam beamed, dragging Dean into a tight hug. “Of course you idiot, I’m so happy for you, for both of you.”

 

Dean blushed, slowly hugging him back and resting his head on his shoulder. “Thanks… really Sammy… Thanks...”

 

~

 

“Ben, you busy?”

 

Benny looked up from his journal, chuckling softly when he spotted Dean - awkwardly shifting from foot to foot in the doorway.

 

“You know, cher, this was your room first, you can come in.”

 

Dean blushed, crossing his arms and sauntering inside - still worrying his lip, of course, but it was a step. “Pardon me for trying to be polite. What’cha workin’ on?”

 

“Just looking over the books, was actually ‘bout to come find you,” Benny smirked, swinging himself out of his chair and tugging Dean against his chest. “‘Ppears I’ve actually been doin’ pretty good lately…”

 

Dean purred, melting into the embrace immediately and closing his eyes. “Well duh, you’ve been head chef again, people know the best when they taste it.”

 

Benny snorted, rolling his eyes. “Flattery gets you nowhere Winchester, but I been thinkin’, ‘s been a while since I took you out, pretty boy, why don’t you dress up and let me treat ya tonight?”

 

“T-tonight..?” 

 

Benny froze, biting his lip. “Only if you want, cher… Thought it’d be nice- if you’d-”

 

“It’s just… I sort of… I planned something for us tonight… I can reschedu-”

 

“You scared me,” Benny huffed, scooping him up and kissing his nose. “Don’t be ridiculous, ‘o course I wanna see what you got up your sleeve, I’ll take you out some other time.”

 

Dean blushed, smiling shyly. “Your idea sounds better… I cooked, it’s probably not edible.”

 

“Oh stop it, should I doll myself up for ya then, darlin’?”

 

At Dean’s hesitant nod Benny tossed him back on the bed, grinning. “Get outta here then, it ain’t proper to watch a lady dress.”

 

Dean can’t help but laugh, throwing a pillow at him as he pulled himself up. “What happened to this being my room first, huh? Don’t make yourself  _ too  _ pretty, I want people to know were together and I’m not just some creepy stalker crying to get your dick.”

 

“My dick and every other part of me is yours, pun’kin’, now shoo.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes, smiling to himself as he wandered out. “Better be, Lafitte, damn well better be.”

 

~

 

By the time Benny walks out an hour later, beard freshly trimmed and in a pressed jacket that nearly makes Dean call everything off so can take him back to their room and get him back  _ out  _ of it, he’s almost sure he has everything set. He’s been through the basket at least thirty times, the car has a full tank and he’d spent the entirety of the day yesterday making sure she was more than up for the drive, the ring box was safe in his jacket pocket, and the wine in the cooler should hopefully,  _ hopefully,  _ be cold by the time they got to the farm.

 

“You don’ look so hot cher, you sure you wanna go out?” 

 

“Shut up,” Dean grumbled, grabbing his hand and dragging him out to the car. 

 

“Alright, chief, what’s up with you?”  Benny sighed, settling into his seat and raising an eyebrow. 

 

“We’re breaking the law okay, I’m nervous.”

 

“Well have you ever tried not breaking the law? Seems like the perfect solution.”

 

Dean huffed, sticking out his tongue. “Oh hush, I know you’re a prim and proper southern boy but-”

 

He cut himself off at Benny’s truly impressive snort and glanced over at him. “Damn right, gotta have more respect than dragging me out to break the law. It’s not like you’ve taken me in the back of your car in a parking lot before, ain’t never smoked grass at a national monument with ya, and how about that time back at-”

 

“I get it!” Dean can’t help but blush, pouting out at the dimming highway. 

 

“What’s buggin’ ya cher? Ain’t seen you like this in a while,” Dean sighed, nervously chewing his lip. 

 

“Just trust me okay? Nothin’s wrong, promise, just… You’ll see ‘light?”

 

Benny nodded, taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his open palm. “I trust ya cher.”

 

~

 

It’s another hour before Dean pulls off the road, cutting the headlights and carefully navigating to the clearing he’d scouted earlier. 

 

Benny had long since dozed off, Dean really needed to talk to him about taking it easy, he was working himself way too hard, but he’d been having a blast with it at the very least.

 

“Hey- bear, come on… up ya go…”

 

Benny grumbled, slowly blinking up at him. “Well ain’t you a pretty sight…”

 

“Not as pretty as outside,” Dean mumbled, nudging his arm and smiling to himself when Benny finally realized where they were and perked up, eagerly hopping out of the car and looking around. 

 

“Can’t believe you did this…”

 

Dean snorted, laying out a blanket and setting out their picnic. “Figured it was about time, we’ve covered about every other un-masculine thing on the list, bout time to top it off with miles of pretty flowers.”

 

Benny smiled, flopping next to him and kissing his cheek. “I love you, darlin’.”

 

“I love you too, bear,” Dean murmured, shyly picking at his food while Benny drank in the view. “A lot… A whole lot.”

 

Dean’s surprised to feel himself relaxing, watching just how happy some flowers could make his bear was enough to reassure him that he wasn’t, in fact, fucking everything up as he poured them both a glass of wine and carefully dropped a ring in Benny’s.

 

“I know it’s not even that far away but it’s just one of those things, yanno? ‘Drea used to think it was so dumb that I liked it so I guess when I finally had a chance to go it just didn’t come to mind cause I guess I thought it was just… Dunno, but look at the damn stars out here and- Dean- ‘s this..?” Benny frowned, holding his glass up in the moonlight and gasping softly.

 

Dean shrugged slightly, chewing his lip. “I… Love ya a whole lot… You… Mentioned wantin’ some fancy wedding food a while ago, thought we could get… Get on that..?”

 

“You… did all this- oh cher that’s why you were so jumpy ain’t it…”

 

Dean blushed, staring at his lap, and entirely missing when Benny carefully fished out the ring and slipped it on his finger before gathering him into his lap. “Of course, darlin’, I would love to marry you.”

 

Dean smiled shyly, nuzzling against his chest. “Sam gave his blessing… know it’s kinda dumb but… I mean, so are the flowers, everything tonight’s a bit dumb, mostly me.”

 

Benny laughed, lifting his chin. “I think everythin’s perfect… ‘specially you… I can’t believe you went through all this trouble for lil ol’ me…”

 

Dean blushed, smiling shyly. “I’d do anything for you… I love you... “

 

Benny smiled, tugging Dean into his lap and kissing his head happily. “I love you too… Hey cher..?”

 

Dean hummed, shyly peeking up at him.

 

“Thanks for lying to my ex and hiding me under your desk.”

 

Dean burst out laughing, nuzzling against his chest. “Any time, bear… Thanks for saving my life.”

 

“Any time, cher, you know I got ya…”


End file.
